Insomnia + nightmares

12 Jul

Last week I’ve been thinking of how much you can actually control and restrain your thoughts you have at day and dreams you dream at night. This last week I’ve been suffering from some kind of insomnia, harder than I use to suffer from. I’ve always had trouble to sleep, well at least to go to sleep. When I finally sleep I can sleep forever, but the road down to it is often hard.

On a normal night it might take one hour for me to go to sleep. So before I go to bed I often have to take this in accounting, at least if I have some time I must get up in the morning. For an example; if I go to bed at 11 p.m. I always count my sleeping hours from 12 p.m. and so on. Sometimes it takes even two hours to go to sleep for me.

Now, if I continue on to the real subject I wanna talk about; how much can you really control your dreams? Last two nights have been really a trouble for me with insomnia, and when I finally go to sleep I dream all these awful dreams; strange dreams, pure nightmares, that makes my body ache in a psychosomatic way after I wake up. How much can one really restrain and control ones dreams? I dreamt for an example that my mom and dad made me go to some place under threat. I escaped from them, ran and hide and they found me. My dad was so angry with me he said he’d kill me or something. How deranged and crazy isn’t that?! And this night I dreamt me and my fiancé was in a strange abandoned town in the middle of the night. Not a human was near, but yet the fear in the air was almost touchable, so I said to him that we’d better leave. So we did, and as we took our bikes I suddenly noticed a whole pack of wolves in the distant, and when they saw us they instantly ran towards us. I only remember we got up on our bikes and then left, scared out of our wits.

And the whole nights it just goes on and on… New dreams, new craziness.

So it just makes me wonder how much we really are in control of our own minds anyway…

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